Feeling lost

To all the times I felt lost before….

To the time I walked the streets of Paris just before my 25th birthday, I had gone from presenting Senegal’s leading breakfast show, being in love with someone I thought I’d marry, and living in a cute city pad of my own. Six months later, I was trudging through the snow in heels, knocking on every door, desperately searching for a job, heartbroken, jobless, penniless, and hopeless. Wondering how it had all gone so wrong, how I’d let it get to this point... Questioning if I would ever feel happy again. If I’d ever make it onto the big screen again. If I’d ever feel worthy again...

You did, my dearest Ninka. You might not have seen it then, but you’ll once again fall in love. You’ll make it back to the big screen. You’ll interview some of the biggest names in the world, people you never dreamed of meeting, like the Sean Paul you used to dance to at your teenage house parties, or Shaggy, whose cassette you got for your sixth birthday. You’ll trade those heels for trainers; step forward on more stable, more comfortable, more grounded footing (not to mention, in cooler shoes).

To the time I found myself alone in the early hours of the morning, in my living room, two bottles of wine deep, listening to sad songs, swaying and singing my heart out, staring at the almost-empty bottle, worried I only had one glass left. Wondering when I had last seen daylight. Feeling hurt that my university housemates had decided not to live with me the following year…

You’ll find your way, my dearest Ninka. It might take you a few embarrassing and even tragic years, but one day, not long after your 27th birthday, you’ll wake up with that all-too-familiar sinking feeling: Oh God, what did I do last night? Did I embarrass myself? After yet another all-night drinking session. With a piercing headache, ready to throw up, you’ll say, No. No more drinking. No more feeling like crap. No more living this life, feeling this awful.

Your life will change from that day on. You’ll wake up with energy. You’ll realise that much of the depression you felt was fuelled by alcohol, not life itself. The world can be a beautiful place. You’ll look better, feel better, and your career will take you to incredible places. You’ll meet amazing people. And most of all, you’ll realise that life in the daylight can be pretty damn cool.

To that infamous morning, the morning the police knocked on the door, eight days after my 15th birthday, to tell you, there was an accident. Realising that the kiss on the cheek and the goodbye your brother gave you the night before would be his last. And our last goodbye.

I won’t sugarcoat it. That one will break you. For many years, it will break you. But it will also change you. See, my dearest Ninka, you will turn that pain into strength, that sadness into resilience, and that tragedy into purpose. And one day, you’ll realise he doesn’t have to be just a memory, he is your guide, your compass.

You’ll lose others along the way, and their departures will leave deep scars. But you’ll choose to believe that together, they’ll join forces, become stronger guides, and a more anchored compass.

Life is made of ups and downs. You will fall, and you will rise. You will wobble, and sometimes you’ll even have to crawl. You might not know where to turn, but sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself. You may not see it in the moment, but the greatest changes can come from your darkest moments. That is… if you choose to believe.

So believe, my darling. Because for all the devastating lows, for all the strenuous climbs up the mountain, I promise you, the views from the top are magnificent. You won’t want to miss them.

So believe, my darling. Always choose to believe.

This is my story—but we all experience life’s ups and downs in our own way. So why go through them alone?

At NUKA, we believe everyone deserves a space to speak their truth, be seen, and feel heard. In a world that often quiets our voices, we offer a supportive space to break free and embrace your authentic self.

This is your invitation to step into a space where you can truly be yourself. A place where you belong.

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Through our Sharing Circles, we create a safe, intimate space for women to express their thoughts, feelings, and experiences—without judgment. Whether you’re navigating change, managing daily stresses, or simply craving meaningful connection, our circles provide the support and understanding you need.

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Love, Ninka