When Shit Hits The Fan, Pack Up And Leave…

April 2023 - And I’m off for the Philippines.

I’m leaving for a month on a solo travel experience. What am I looking for? I’m not too sure. The last month took the wind out of my sails. So I guess I’m looking for freedom, clarity.

I want to find the energy I’ve lost. To experience life’s little miracles. To have my eyes open. I want to believe in it all again. I want to find answers to questions I didn’t even know I was looking for. I want to heal…

19-hour plane ride, a 6-hour van ride, and I arrived at my destination: Port Barton on the island of Palawan. A little wooden hut. It was dark. There was no wifi and barely any electricity. I panicked. Fuck. What have I done?

How was I going to distract myself? No one to speak to, no episodes to watch, and no social media to scroll through. I did the only thing left to do, I picked up a pen and journaled. I didn’t stop journaling. Funnily enough, the thing I feared the most is the very thing that liberated me. I was forced to sit with myself and figure my shit out.

Three days in, two waterfalls, a magnificent beach, and a motorbike ride through the jungle later, and I feel like a completely different person. I feel like I’m awakening from a long, dark night. My mind is opening up. I’m thinking about things in my life in a positive light.

The best part? When I left South Africa, I had all this guilt about going away, feeling like it was irresponsible to take a month off when I should really be working toward my career. But the funny thing is, I feel like this is the best thing I could do for my career.

I left having just lost my brother. I felt frustrated that my career wasn’t moving fast enough, wasn’t taking me where I wanted to be. My creativity, my mind were closed off. I was in the dark, unable to see a way out. I looked at everything in such a negative light that, of course, I wouldn’t be able to find solutions.

And now? I feel like a light has just switched on in my brain. I’m able to see, to breathe, to think of creative ways to get where I want to be. And hopefully, start the process of healing.